Candidate # 13 - The Anonymous Donor

Hunt for the Perfect Donor turns Resolve to use an Anonymous Donor. Yes, contrary to the thoughts we've expressed so far, and in fact, the entire nature of this blog, we've decided to use a sperm bank.

We felt there would be boundary issues if we knew our sperm donor. Whilst we liked the idea of a pseudo-uncle waiting silently in the wings, what exactly is a pseudo-uncle? And would he really wait to be called? The more we looked into it, the more knowing the donor sounded like a parenting minefield.

It's not as if our baby will be short of male role models without knowing the donor, there's Sarah's brother, James, for a start and another close male friend is happy to play the atheist's equivalent of a godfather. Mark is lovely but donating sperm would complicate his life and add strain to his relationship with Annie.

We've read about a UK sperm bank aimed at lesbians called Man Not Included but have been unable to find out whether or not it's still running. We are keen to hear from other lesbians who have used this service or similar, in the UK.

Pros: Won't interfere, won't threaten us with legal action, won't demand access, has a clearly defined role.
Cons: Could cost us financially, impersonal.

Candidate # 12 - Mark (II)

The more we get to know Mark the happier we feel about having him as our sperm donor. He has a mature attitude towards life and has great faith in our parenting ability. He seems truly committed to our cause and whilst he's firm in his beliefs, he's not at all over-powering, which is just what we need.

"But surely anybody could seem pleasant after only a few weeks." I hear you think, but our first impressions are not all we have to work with. Because Mark is friends with Sarah's brother, we've been able to confirm our good feeling about him by getting opinions from mutual friends. Everyone we've spoken to seems to regard him very highly.

The example that everyone brings up when singing Mark's praises is his relationship with his sister Kim. Their mentally unstable mother walked out them shortly after Kim was born and they were raised by their father who was sadly diagnosed with cancer when Mark was nineteen. Mark suspended his university course to nurse his father and when he tragically died six months later, Mark dropped out of college to look after Kim, then 14.

Not everybody would have sacrificed their own happiness in order to prevent their sister from going into care, particularly not someone as young as Mark was when he made the commitment. He does truly sound like a fantastic person.

Let's just hope that Annie is as understanding as Mark. I can't imagine that she'd be unpleasant, otherwise what would such a grounded person see in her?

Candidate # 12 - Mark

Could we have found Mr. Right? Sarah and I have recently built a friendship with one of Sarah's brother's friends, Mark*. He's healthy, 32 and very interested in donating sperm. He has asked that, for now, we don't include too much information about him online as he still needs to discuss the situation with his girlfriend, Annie*. They haven't been together for long but obviously if Mark does donate sperm, it could have an impact on their relationship if they're still together when the baby is born so we need her blessing before we can go ahead. The fact that Annie is currently in the US for six weeks means that we have plenty of time to get to know Mark better before the process can begin. We're just trying not to get our hopes up until we know for certain how Annie will react.

*As with all the posts, names have been changed.