Saturday, 21 July 2007

Candidate #5 - Sarah's Father

A reader suggested Sarah's father as a sperm donor. He's not an option that we would give more than a moment's consideration, not least because he's a cantankerous old homophobe who doesn't know that his daughter is gay. Added to which, using Sarah's father as a donor would make her the mother of her own biological half sister!

Pros: shares 50% of Sarah's DNA.
Cons: homophobic; wouldn't agree to it; we'd have to come out to him; I don't want to give birth to my girlfriend's sister.

Verdict: Extremely unsuitable.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

This I don't understand. Are you too ashamed to come out to her father? While I support your goal to become parents and you both sound like you will be excellent parents, what you are doing, I think you are sellfish for having his grandchild and him just thinking it's his "daughter's friends baby."

Alicia said...

Where did we express any intention of tricking Sarah's father into donating sperm for us?

And not coming out to him has nothing to do with shame, Sarah based her decision on knowledge about what he is and is not ready to accept. We are thinking of his feelings as much as our own.

Anonymous said...

I didn't imply that you would trick him into donating sperm, I totally agree that it would be weird to give birth to your girlfriends sister.

I do feel that he has the right to know he has a grandchild and how he feels about your relationship is his problem. But to not know he has a grandchild, well I just don't think it is fair to him. If he knew he might come to grips with the situation and at least make an attempt to know the baby. Of course, I don't know the man but I know how I would feel.

I do really hope that you find a donor you can be happy with! You sound like you will be super parents!! I wish you all the best for your future family.

Alicia said...

I see your point - it is his choice whether or not to accept the situation but we are afraid that if he doesn't, we might lose him altogether.

Thanks for your support.

Alicia

temmerling said...

this is interesting to me. My father offered sperm to us when we were looking for a KD to get my partner pregnant. He offered it on the sole condition that no one could ever know... which sort of made having a known donor pointless, so we turned him down. He had been offering so that we could have a child that was biologically related to both of us.

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about fear and homophobia and being afraid of losing family members that you might find interesting, (or you could find it insulting and redundant, if that's the case then I'm sorry)... but just in case you're interested, here's the link http://anaccidentofhope.wordpress.com/2007/06/21/still-sometimes-youre-the-asshole/