Candidate #6 - Grinning Graham

With it being the weekend, Sarah and I had the rare opportunity to go out for lunch together. Just as we were about to leave the house we got a call from Graham, a potential donor who we've been chatting to over email. Graham is leaving the country for three weeks tomorrow, so we really wanted to find out whether or not he's a possibility before he goes abroad. This meant that we sacrificed our tasty pub lunch for a few sips of scolding coffee and half a muffin in Starbucks.

When we got there we met a man whose smile actually met from ear to ear. He made no effort to hide it. Nor was their any mistake as to the nature of the smile. It was not the expression of a long wannabe father or an excited left wing charitable type, it was the gawp of a man with a fetish for lesbians.

"Are you Graham?" Sarah asked, with the slightly hopeful chirp that only someone as optimistic as her could muster.
"That's me" he grinned. Our hearts sunk.

I was reluctant to leave Sarah with the creepy man while I went to the counter to purchase coffees for us all, but as I glanced back, they seemed to be making polite conversation. Sarah, like me, can find something to say to anybody, but unlike me, she can remain polite and calm in the face of rudeness.

When I returned they seemed to be talking about model railways - not a subject I had expected to be discussing today. As I sat down, Graham's voice trailed off. He looked at me and the perverted grin returned to his face. "So..." he begun, "Which one do I get to do it to?"

Sarah spat coffee across the table, splattering my white vest top. I looked aghast. "We did mention that we want an artificial insemination."

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means no doing it to!" I explained, angrily.

"Not even her?" he asked, gliding his hand towards Sarah, who cowered away. I have no idea what he meant by even her and we didn't wait around to find out. Rapidly, we grabbed our jackets and hurried out of the shop, making the polite goodbye noises that only British people would bother with.

It wasn't until we got to the tube station that I realised we'd left two perfectly good muffins almost entirely uneaten. "Nevermind," said Sarah, "We are not going back!"

Pros: keen; apparently healthy; comes across well by email.
Cons: wants a natural conception; seems creepy in person; going abroad tomorrow.

Verdict: Unsuitable

Homosexuals want to raise homosexual children?

"I believe that heterosexual couples aim to raise heterosexual kids (just like you as a lesbian couple would perhaps aim to raise homosexual kids)," - Devil's Advocate (Usenet forum)

This displays complete ignorance about the gay culture. We are no more in the business of trying to make our children gay than we are in the business of trying to "turn" the people around us into homosexuals. We are not about spreading homosexuality! We just are gay and want to live that way.

Should I give birth to a girl and find out in 16 years that she is a lesbian, I won't be shouting "That's ma girl!" I'll be concerned that she may be subject to the same prejudice and abuse that we've had to suffer. Obviously we will accept her, whatever her orientation and do our best to prepare her for adult life.

Sarah and I are not going to tell our child that gay parenting is superior to heterosexual parenting and that he or she should replicate our home situation; our offspring will be aware that there can be many different family setups, of which ours is quite rare, but no less effective than others.

The controversial discussion we sparked on Usenet

An interesting discussion has occurred on a Usenet forum in response to a post I left adverting for a donor. You can read the full discussion here but below is a summary of key points that were made and my responses to each:

"In my opinion, that's just wrong. I don't think people think about the effect that will have on the child. I think that should be illegal." - Brunswick

As pointed out by Neil Bolt, there is no evidence that children raised by lesbian couples are any worse off then children raised in more traditional families. The most important criteria, as Kwhela points out, is that a child is loved and respects, which ours will be.

"I feel if you want to be homosexual, that's part of the deal, you don't get to make kids." - Brunswick

If you want to be homosexual? I don't think you'll find that anybody chooses their sexuality - it chooses you.

"God made rules and that's one of them" - Brunswick

"There you go again, the existence of God is also a debatable subject. Where exactly is this rule that your God made? I'd like to see reference to a rule that says a homosexual couple isn't allowed to raise a child." - Neil Bolt

Being atheists, Sarah and myself are not too bothered what God has or hasn't got to say on the matter. However we have gay Christian friends who belong to a church group that fully accepts their lifestyle.

"I'm allowed to have my own opinion...
..This is a public news group, and if you post something that controversial here, you can certainly expect some difference of opinions." - Brunswick

Brunswick is quite right, we all have freedom of speech and I'm happy to hear a variety of opinions, even from people who I completely disagree with.

"Wouldn't you think that a gay female couple would perhaps encourage lesbianism?" - Devil's Advocate

Why would we do that? We're all about freedom to live as you are whatever your sexuality - we certainly wouldn't try to influence a child to be anything other than what felt natural to him or her. Besides of which, I don't think it's possible to nurture sexuality - if that was the case then how do you explain the many parents who aimed to bring up straight children and found that their offspring preferred same sex partners?