Whose baby is it anyway?
It's our baby! We will be parents equally, regardless of which one of us gives birth. However, due to me being slightly older (31 to Sarah's 27) and Sarah's career just starting to kick off, we've decided that I'll give birth to our first born. Hopefully, in a few years time, Sarah will give birth to a new brother or sister for him/her.
6 comments:
Excluding somebody because they would want to be a positive force in their own child's life is just wrong and selfish on your part, ladies, and your child may not thank you for it in the end; especially when she eventually finds out that you made a decision for her not to have a father in her life. You are in effect, deciding to limit the amount of love available to this child that would otherwise be freely given. You do not have the right to make that decision for another human being.
The best interest of your yet to be born child demands that you reconsider that position. When your child is born you will learn soon enough that what YOU WANT will always be secondary to what your CHILD NEEDS. You are coming from a position of what you think is best for you both and that does not demonstrate the selflessness needed to be a good parent. If you can learn that lesson before your child is born, you will be much better parents in the end.
Good luck
My 2 cents.
1. We are not excluding the donor from our child's life - that is why we're trying to find someone trustworthy who will be there in the background should our child choose to contact him when older.
2. What makes you think that a donor playing an active role, would be a positive force in our child's life?
Are you suggesting some form of three way parenting situation involving Sarah and myself (who are in love, agree on child raising issues, and can provide a stable environment) and a random man with whom we might have many parental disputes? Because I really don't think that would be a stable environment for a child.
By your own admission and statement you both want to limit the role of a natural father and are excluding anyone who would want to take on that role. That is selfish and unnecesary.
"What makes you think that a donor playing an active role, would be a positive force in our child's life?"
Well, I would think that you should choose someone using that criterion as a basis.
3 parents? why not? Many kids today have more than that.
"... some random man"
Now your just being silly and argumentative. It is quite evident that you are not interested in some random man or you would go to a sperm bank. Please don't try and derail the discussion by intimating that I suggested such a thing. I expect that you would choose someone to be a caring and involved father with even greater care than you choose a sperm donor.
Again, don't put your preference above what is better for the child.
Good luck
My 2 Cents.
It IS about what's best for our child. I think most people would agree that a child would be better off with stable, caring parents who get along than ones who don't.
Two solid harmonious parents are better than three if three could mean serious conflict.
Giving a third parent equal responsibilities could lead to all manner of disputes - both legally and socially.
We - Sarah and me - are a team and we work!
So that our child has a male role model, we have two 'God'fathers lined up who will also function as part of the team when required.
Why rock the boat by adding someone we might not get along with, just because we need his sperm?
" 2'God'fathers lined up who will also function as part of the team when required."
There is no "when required" only "always required".
Part of doing what you plan to do responsibly is recognizing that fact. Replacing a father with a "Godfather" "when requires" is a very poor substitute for the real thing.
It's important that our child knows who his or her primary care givers are - like I said, a strong two person parenting team is better than a larger less secure one.
However we plan for our child to have a lot of contact with the 'god'fathers so that he or she is not short of male role models.
We realise that having a child is a full time commitment and it is one that SARAH AND MYSELF are prepared to undertake.
There are many people without fathers who have delightful childhoods and grow up to be well-rounded, functional adults.
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