Thursday, 20 March 2008

Candidate # 13 - The Anonymous Donor

Hunt for the Perfect Donor turns Resolve to use an Anonymous Donor. Yes, contrary to the thoughts we've expressed so far, and in fact, the entire nature of this blog, we've decided to use a sperm bank.

We felt there would be boundary issues if we knew our sperm donor. Whilst we liked the idea of a pseudo-uncle waiting silently in the wings, what exactly is a pseudo-uncle? And would he really wait to be called? The more we looked into it, the more knowing the donor sounded like a parenting minefield.

It's not as if our baby will be short of male role models without knowing the donor, there's Sarah's brother, James, for a start and another close male friend is happy to play the atheist's equivalent of a godfather. Mark is lovely but donating sperm would complicate his life and add strain to his relationship with Annie.

We've read about a UK sperm bank aimed at lesbians called Man Not Included but have been unable to find out whether or not it's still running. We are keen to hear from other lesbians who have used this service or similar, in the UK.

Pros: Won't interfere, won't threaten us with legal action, won't demand access, has a clearly defined role.
Cons: Could cost us financially, impersonal.


Mark Lyndon said...

Bear in mind that were you to meet the clinic donor you choose, you might find him worse than most of the other nine "candidates".

I believe that mannotincluded are now out of business. They were seriously dodgy anyway.

When you say "anonymous donor", I'm presuming you mean an id-release donor (if it's a UK clinic, then anonymous donation is no longer possible). If you're really considering going out of the country to use an anonymous donor, I would strongly recommend against it.

I don't know which other sites you've tried, but if you still want to find a known donor, this site might help:

Robin said...

If you are interested my partner and I have 10 vials of cyrogenically frozen sperm stored at a sperm bank in Seattle that we would be willing to donate to you. We have concieved two children and have decided to not have any more. Our storage fees are due at the end of July and we have decided to no longer store it. You can email me if you are interested.

Jen said...

I just stumbled on your site and I have a feeling it is going to suck me in. I'm so curious about how you managed to blog the experience of trying to select a donor.

Check out my site.. We used an anonymous donor to conceive our son and it was the best decision we have ever made (for us). He's my pride and joy!

Best of luck to you!

Prettyfish said...

so wish I could chat with you guys! My partner and I are in the states but going thru the same thing. So complicated and confusing and overwhelming and....(lol) I'm sure you get the point. I wish you all the best!

Heather said...

Hi I’m Heather! Please email me when you get a chance! I have a question about your blog. HeatherVonsj(at)gmail(dot)com